Split Soul
by Bakurekuso
Summary: Hi, I'm Kurobane Kenji, first-year student at the Death Weapon-Meister Academy. I've just gotten into the school, no partner or anything. I can't help but feel like some crazy junk is about to happen, though. If you want a good laugh, or need some badass-itude in your life, this fic is for you! Rated for teenagers for some ecchi-ness and language.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fan fiction, so please treat it with care. You wouldn't want to hurt its feelings. So, without further adieu, here is the very first chapter of Split Soul! I hope you enjoy!**

" A sound soul dwells within a sound mind and a sound body."

6:00 A.M. My alarm clock goes off. I hit snooze.

6:05 A.M. My alarm clock goes off. I turn off the alarm. Barely awake, I attempted to get up from the face-down position on my bed, arms wobbling with no energy to spare. In no time at all, my arms collapse and my face lands in my nice soft pillow. 'Maybe a few more minutes...'

6:30 A.M. My eyes snap open, according to my body clock. I checked my watch."Holy crap! I'm gonna be late!" I exclaimed. Looking in the mirror, I saw the birds nest that was my bed head. Showering wasn't an option here, 'cause I could drain an Olympic pool by taking just one. There's nothing like water to fix messy hair.

6:32 A.M. I throw on my white T-shirt, black jeans, black hooded sweater, and top-rimmed glasses.

6:35 A.M. I quickly made toast, stuffed it in my mouth, and ran out the door.

Checking my watch again, I noticed I had misread the time. "It's only 6:35? I thought it was 6:55. More time for me, I guess," I muttered to myself. I gloomily shuffled down the path to the Academy, reminiscing about the good ol' days of summer, wound down to finally nothing just this morning. All that time to play more games and more anime was gone in what seemed like no time at all. That was the stuff that actually _mattered_. But adults had to go and invent school in some unknown time, just to screw with the fun that children and teens were having.

But school isn't all _that_ bad, I guess. I'm a first-year student at the Death Weapon Meister Academy (DWMA) in Death City, Nevada, my home. Since this is my first year, I will be choosing my own partner. It's a big thing, because you'll have to stay with that person for the whole time you attend the academy. I'll be the meister, the one who wields their weapon partner, but I really wish _I_ was a weapon so I could eat Kishin egg souls. I'm really curious as to what they taste like. But I don't really see the bright side shining quite brightly enough to clear away the darkness of desperation I feel for the late summer.

"Kenji-kun!" A voice broke my emotional low. I turned to meet the deep purple eyes of my childhood friend, Kazehana Yukie.

"Good morning, Kaze-san," I called back to her. Now she walked right up to me.

"No, I think we've known each other long enough that we don't have to be so formal, don't you think? Starting now, I want you to call me Yuki-Chan!" she said, sounding very annoyed. "Do it over!"

"*Sigh*, Mornin', Yuki-chan," I said in exasperation.

"That's better!" she said a little bit more cheerfully.

We continued walking to the Academy. "Um, so did you do anything interesting this summer?" I asked her.

"Oh, yeah! I beat a bunch of games and finished a bunch of anime!" she said enthusiastically.

'Doesn't seem all that different from what I was doing,' I thought to myself.

"But," she continued, "I went to the beach a lot, and I got to try on my new bikini, but...it was really lonely without you there," she said glumly.

I stopped listening on "bikini." Oh dear gawd, Yukie in a bikini?! I imagined what that would look like, with her ample bust and hourglass figure. That single thought brought blood to my face. I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Um, Kenji-kun? Are you okay?" Yukie asked with slight concern, waving her hand in front of my face. I must have been staring off into space.

I tried my best to get it out of my head, but the thought got more and more vivid, with her splashing around in the water, wind blowing through her long violet hair. And with that, I flew backwards, propelled by the force and speed of blood escaping my nose. I was then rudely and abruptly stopped in midair by the wall behind me, headfirst. I was knocked out.

Some Time Later

"...ji-kun! Kenji-kun! Wake up! Please wake up!"

The voice slowly came into focus, and I lazily opened my eyes, only to find Yukie kneeling beside me. I was apparently lying on the ground, and she had propped me up on her lap. "Oh, thank goodness you're alive!" she said with relief.

I prepared to thank her. "Thanks for waking me up, Yuki-cha-" I was interrupted when my face met with a softness that was softer than any pillow, any cloud in the sky. It was then that I noticed she had embraced me. But this was no ordinary embrace. She held my head...right between her large breasts. I blacked out.

Some More Time Later

"Hey, you!" I heard a slightly rough voice, one that belonged to a guy who probably bench-pressed tombstones for fun. My eyes snapped open to find Sid, a teacher and the gym coach at the DWMA. I looked around and found myself in a bed in the school nurse's office. "Classes have already started, and you're late. Hurry up and get to your classroom. I was never the kind of man to let kids cut class," said Sid. He's a zombie, by the way.

Sid walked me to class Crescent Moon, and then walked away to return to his other duties. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and stepped into the classroom. Forty-nine students were standing in two different lines. Forty-nine pairs of eyes were on me. "Mr. Kurobane, you're late," said Dr. Stein. "Step into the line to my right."

I did as I was told, and in the line across from me, my eyes were met with the kind, familiar, deep-purple ones belonging to Yukie. She smiled warmly at me. "I'm so glad we get to be in the same class this year!" she whispered to me happily.

"Me, too," I replied. But something was strange. I always thought that Yukie was just like me, a meister, but if she's not in the same line as me, that can only mean- "I want all of the students in the line to my right to close their eyes and find a soul they feel connected to. Approach it, and introduce yourself to the person you find," directed Dr. Stein. That sure interrupted my slow train of thought.

I closed my eyes and saw twenty-five souls arranged neatly in a row, all of them their own shape, color, and brightness. Only one of them appealed to me the most. It was a swirl of red and blue, like yin and yang, surrounded in a purple glow. I calmly walked to it, opened my eyes, and found myself staring at a large pair of breasts. Shocked, I let out a small yelp and fell on my back. When I looked up, I found Yukie, looking down and giggling at me.

'That is just way too cute to be angry at,' I thought.

I got up, dusted myself off, and stood properly in front of her. "I'm Kurobane Kenji. Nice to meet you," I said jokingly, bowing to her.

"Heehee, I'm Kazehana Yukie. Good to meet you, too!" she said, doing the same and trying not to laugh.

Although there was an even number between the meisters and weapons, not all of the students would have found people whose wavelength would match up with theirs. The Academy believes strongly in finding what is just right, so some of the students who couldn't find partners were sent to other classes. The ones who didn't go were met with students from other classes, as an experiment of sorts. Dr. Stein instructed the ones in pairs to all go outside. "Now I would like for all of the weapons to transform and let the meisters wield you," he said in a bored tone.

All around me, people turned into streaks of light and formed into weapons in the hands of their partners.

Now it was our turn. We nodded to each other, and Yukie turned into a purple streak of light that broke into two more, one red and one blue. These leaped into my hands and transformed. The red streak had turned into a fiery-red blade wreathed in a flame-like aura. The blue streak had turned into an icy-blue blade encased in a frost-like aura.

'What's going on here?' I thought. 'Why is Yukie two weapons instead of just one?'

'Oh, that's easy,' I heard a voice in my head say. It sounded familiar.

'Y-Yukie? Is that you?' I asked the voice with my thoughts.

'Well, I guess,' she said. 'We can speak telepathically, since we have a connection.'

'You can explain this?' I asked.

'Of course. Your soul is like mine, you know. One part, cold and sad, and the other, hot and angry. But when we're with one another, or with friends, they come together to make us friendly and cheerful,' she answered.

'Wow, that's...pretty cool!' I thought.

She changed back into her human form. "I knew you would like it!" she said with a smile. "What's better is that I can also be war claws and chakrams."

I was completely stunned. " _That _is...no, _you_ are really awesome, Yuki-chan!" I exclaimed. "I can't wait to fight with you and help you become a death scythe!"

She looked away and started to blush. "Th-thanks, Kenji-kun," she said shyly.

So friggin' cute.

"Hey, you!" I heard a high-pitched and snide voice say. I turned around. "Yeah, you!" It was a boy, around my age. He was wearing a black suit and tie, with all of his blonde hair combed back. Behind him stood a tall girl, also around my age, with long, silver hair and a red kimono. She looked really shy.

"Yeah? What is it?" I asked him, holding back the urge to punch this guy in the face.

"You think you're so cool with your fancy shmancy weapon, huh?" he continued to drag on.

"No, I just-"

"I'm the only son of a rich family, I'll have you know, and I've got the best weapon money can buy! With her, I'm gonna be the strongest meister the world has ever seen!"

I conducted a silent analysis within three seconds. 'He cut me off. The first sign I don't really like this guy. _Hiring_ a weapon? Yeah, _that_ would make you so much better than me. It should be common sense that _picking_ one instead would be much better, with finding a compatible wavelength and all that. He's a smug braggart. Just great.'

And the conclusion?

'I'm kicking his ass, _right now_.'

As if he could read my mind, we simultaneously turned our heads and shouted, "Dr. Stein! Permission to battle!"

"Permission granted," he said, sounding a little less bored. He plopped down on his rolling chair and took a long drag on his cigarette.

I turned to Yukie. "Hey, Yuki-chan. Weapon mode please!" I asked politely. She nodded and transformed into blades."You know, I could just give you a handicap and use only one of my weapons, if that helps," I offered to Blondie, catching my weapons.

"Shut up! I don't want your crappy handicap! It won't matter once I beat you!" he answered angrily. "Hibiki! Weapon mode, now!" he barked to the girl behind him.

"Y-yes, sir," she stuttered meekly, and transformed into a silvery blade with a golden handle.

"Begin," said Dr. Stein.

Blondie made a mad run towards me, screaming like a chipmunk

"Owww, geez. Try yelling a little deeper, or at least the octave your speaking voice is," I commented in annoyance, dodging a few swings.

"I can agree," said Yukie. I imagined her nodding in that cute way of hers. It made me smile a little.

Left and right, he swung madly at me. And it was getting nowhere for him, of course. Don't be a flailing fool like this guy, kids.

"Dammit, quit dodging and fight!" he screamed.

"Not before you get some rehab for your helium addiction," I retorted. I couldn't help but grin a little after that last remark.

He halted his swinging. "Oh, think you're so smart, huh? Well, now ya gonna get it, craphole!" he shrieked, sounding _very_ irritated. I got him pissed. Well, that's all my quotas for stuff to achieve in one day. "Hibiki! Hurry up!" he ordered his weapon.

"S-sorry..." she replied.

Suddenly, I felt a stronger wave of energy coming from the two. It was quite an improvement for Blondie. Curious to what would happen next, I stood and watched. The waves grew stronger and stronger still, like wind emanating from them. Then their moment came.

"Soul Resonance!" they shouted in unison. No, wait. Blondie kind of shrieked more than shouted, you know, with his helium addiction and all, and Hibiki just kind of whispered.

Suddenly, I was trapped in a vortex of wind, hovering above the ground. And it was a swirly kind of vortex. _Notgonnabarfnotgonnabarfnotgonnabarf_, I thought over and over again. I kept my eyes shut so I wouldn't end up in a potential vortex of vomit.

"Whirlwind Striiiiiiiike!" I heard a familiar, shrill voice say. It was coming closer. I could only assume he would get me while I was suspended in the air.

Zeroing in on the source of the sound, I extended my blades, using the spin of the vortex to my advantage by creating a gyrating shield. I heard a sharp CLANG, and then the pleasant sound of dumbass hitting the ground hard a few yards away from me. The spinning slowed and I descended gently.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and found Blondie struggling to get back up. I took the opportunity to take a look at he and Hibiki's souls. Blondie's was, in actuality, really sad-looking. It seemed unstable, and had a somewhat dim glow compared to the average soul. The only thing that could tarnish a soul that lightly would be insecurity. Hibiki's was also dim, but in a different way. It looked like an intensely bright marble surrounded by a thick layer of glass. She must have been hiding her true yet bright colors.

"I'll get you for that, you jerk!" I heard. My eyes snapped open just in time to catch Blondie attempting to stab me. Like lightning, I lashed out the blade in my left hand, knocking his weapon several yards behind him. The force pushed him back, and he fell flat on his ass. I tried my best to hold in my laughter.

Calmly, I crossed both of my blades beneath his neck. "You did pretty well," I complimented. "I shouldn't have been so careless with my analysis. You caught me off guard."

"You just got lucky!" he remarked. I brought the blades closer to his throat, so he could feel how hot and cold it would be if they came into contact with his skin. He froze like a Coke that just landed on Pluto. "I-I surrender," he muttered. "That's better," I said calmly, withdrawing my weapons and backing away from him.

Then I turned away, dusted myself off, and let out a sigh. Then, I tossed the blades high in the air, where they turned into streaks of light, converged, and turned into Yukie. She landed gracefully on the ground. "Good work," I complimented, slapping her a high-five.

"You too!" she replied. "You were so cool back there!"

I blushed a little bit. What can I say? She has a way with words.

Once we looked up in front of us, we saw all of the students staring in amazement. Then, one by one, they all started clapping and cheering for us. Together, Yukie and I bowed to our audience, grateful for their applause. "You guys rocked!" "Senpai, you're so cool!" "Have my babies!" I sweatdropped from that last comment from them.

"How could I have lost to you?" I heard a voice from behind me. I turned around to see none other than Blondie. Hibiki had already transformed back to human form, helping him back up. "I had everything it took to beat you!" he continued.

"No, you didn't," I said calmly. "Ever heard of this thing called teamwork? You can start with that. No one is below you, especially weapons. We are all equals, so no bullcrap." Then I looked at Hibiki. "Hey, you don't have to put up with his crap, OK? If he's still gonna be a jerk, you might wanna find someone else. You can only bring out the best in yourself with people you enjoy being with.

"Hey, you..." It was Blondie.

"Hm?" I inquired.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk, okay?"

"Heh, that's fine."

"No, really. I'll fix my own problems, okay?"

"I gotcha."

"My name's Tetsujin Tetsuya."

"And I'm Kurobane Kenji. Nice to meet you." I said. His voice sounded deeper than it was earlier. Was this because he calmed down? Or was it a sign of maturity? I might never know. I sure hope it's the latter.

"And may I ask your name?" I asked Hibiki.

"O-oh, I'm Miyagi Hibiki," she replied shyly. "Nice to...meet you."

"Well, now that we have introductions all done with, I'm going back inside. It's hot as heck."

**Holey crap, that took a long time for just one chapter. This took me, like, a month, even though I put this on paper first. The editing process is really straining for me. And it was a lot of typing, too. So, please tell me how you thought it was with a review! Constructive criticism and compliments only, please. If you don't got nothin' nice to say, don't say nothin' at all. And maybe give this fic a like, please? Bakurekuso out.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: All - Nighters, Violet, and Biker Pervs: My Very First Mission?

"Oh, s***! I'm gonna be really late!" I panted as I sprinted through the streets of Death City, on the quickest path to the Academy that I knew. I was about to make a hard left around a corner when I was suddenly blindsided by something traveling with even bigger speed. Pinned to the ground faster than a guy trying to catch a grand piano, I noticed I was on my back and found it very hard to breathe. The weight that held me down decreased a little as I noticed it was Yukie, getting up on all fours.

"Omigosh, I'm so sorry, Kenji-kun! I wasn't looking where I was going! Are you okay?" she asked in a panic.

Trying to tell her that I was okay and that it wasn't her fault, and then asking how she was, the only noises that came from my mouth were muffled. Then I realized the reason for it: my face was directly in her chest.

"Ohhhmigawd! I didn't mean to!" I said quickly, scooting backwards with my hands and feet, preparing for my doom.

"Oh, that's okay! I think it's more of my fault than yours," she said apologetically.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Yeah, I was running really late for class and ran really fast, until I ran into you- Oh no! We'll _both_ be late if we don't hurry!" she said in a rush, grabbing my hand and taking off at breakneck speed.

'She... didn't notice what happened when she landed on me? Oh, thank GAWD," I thought, as we blew through the streets.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Kurobane, and Kazehana, late again, I see," said Dr. Stein as we stepped into the classroom. It was just the three of us for some reason. "Everyone else is picking and working on their first missions. I expect you to do so as well, unless you want me to give you extra long, extra boring lessons."

"Yessir!" we said in perfect sync, and shot out of the room like rockets.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Let's pick something easy for our very first mission," suggested Yukie.

"Preferably somewhere nearby, so we won't have to travel as much," I said drowsily, yawning and stretching.

" How about this one? 'Take Out Motorbike Kishin. Appears around midnight in the streets of Death City," she announced.

"Sounds right up my alley. Ready to pull an all-nighter?" I asked.

"Hell, yeah! Let's hurry and get to my place!" she replied energetically.

Suddenly, my legs stopped working, and I landed on my back. I hadn't noticed how tired I was after that fight with Tetsuya the other day, not to mention the early school hours (7 o'clock is plenty early!) "But let me...get some...sleep in first..." I mumbled to Yukie. I then abruptly passed out.

XXXXXXXXXX

When I woke up, I was on a violet couch with a violet pillow in a violet-walled living room with a violet ceiling fan set at low power. I saw a violet flatscreen with a violet PS3 and two violet controllers hooked up to it. In front of it was a violet coffee table with Yukie's and my favorite snacks on it. But the one thing that topped it all was a beautiful, sleeping, violet-haired girl who was...sleeping...right...NEXT TO ME?!

"Aughh!" I yelled, startled as all hell. "Yukie! What are you doing?!"

She slowly got up and rubbed her tired, violet eyes. "Oh, I brought you here and sat next to you, waiting for you to wake up, but you just looked so peaceful, and I didn't have much energy myself, so I just lay down and fell asleep."

I quickly changed the subject. "Um, you must really like the color violet."

"Yeah! It's my favorite!" she said enthusiastically.

"Gee, I...never would've guessed," I said as enthusiastically as possible.

"Wow, me neither!" she remarked in awe.

'Heh, she's so silly that it's cute,' I thought. "Um, how did you know those were my favorite snacks? Did you buy 'em for me?" I asked.

"No, I just kinda broke into your house and thought you might've needed them," she said, scratching the back of her head.

'Um, I...seriously don't know if I should think that that's cute or not,' I thought. I sweatdropped.

"So, now that you're awake, are you ready to lose?" she challenged.

"You're on!" I replied.

For the next 6 hours, from 5 to 11, we played nonstop and could feel our brains melting for the last 3.

"Hey, we should probably start looking around for the Kishin now," I said in a zombie-like voice.

"Good idea," Yukie said in the same tone. We walked around for about an hour, letting our brains re-solidify in the dim light of night.

Eventually, we heard the rumble of a motor in the distance, getting louder and louder as we turned to see a bulked-up man with glowing red eyes. Our target.

"Give me souuuls!" it bellowed in a ghastly voice. It came closer and closer, then reaching out to grab Yukie by the chest. Bad idea.

Without a sound, I was in front of Yukie, arm held out, catching the Kishin by the neck.

"Gack!" it exclaimed. That poor dumbass of a Kishin must've loved that bike more than anything in the world, because it held on to it as I used the speed of the bike to flip it upside-down in midair. 'Good,' I thought. 'The more weight, the more it's gonna hurt.'

It and the bike crashed hard into a fruit stand, sending apples and grapes flying in every direction. "Rarrgh!" it growled angrily, emerging from the splintered wood with a pumpkin over its head.

"Dude, it's REALLY hard to take you seriously like that," I commented.

"Grrr! I'll eat your soul!" it shouted, picking up his bike and preparing to throw it at me.

"Not a chance," I replied. "You're too slow." I was behind him with my back to him, blades dripping with quickly-evaporating blood. It crumpled onto the ground with one last grunt. "That's what you get for trying to touch Yuki-chan's precious breasts," I said silently, as its body rippled into dark ribbon and vanished into nothingness, leaving the Kishin Egg behind.

Yukie changed back into human form. "Good job," we said to each other, slapping high-fives. She walked up to the Egg and gingerly took it into her delicate hands, then took a small bite. She then stared at it, wide-eyed, and then devoured the rest of it as if her life depended on it.

"How's it taste?" I asked in anticipation.

"Mmf jrff rr- (gulp) It's just like... like strawberry mochi!" she replied in amazement.

"Wow...I actually kinda expected that..."

CHAPTER 2 END

**Sooo, that was the second chapter of Split Soul! I hoped y'all enjoyed it! Sorry that it was a lot shorter than the last one, and that it took me so long. For me, computer time is scarce, so please try to understand. Anyhoo, please Like and Review, and let your friends or buddies or acquaintances or whatever know about it, too, please! Bakurekuso out!**

**P.S. I have already put the first 5 chapters on paper, and I will make the decisions on how I edit them, but ideas for future chapters are appreciated, but know that I may not use all of them. I already have attack names down, BTW (cuz, ya know, I'm really good with that.) Also, I have already picked out names and weapons for my own trio. Any other ideas?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, everybody! Bakurekuso here! Everyone who has been reading the story from the start, I'm so seriously freakin' sorry for the really freakin' long wait! School and all that, and another person who has gotten so addicted to fanfictions that they won't even share the computer...0_0 What has it been, like eight weeks? Holey nanners. Anyone new to my story, I hope you enjoy it. Please treat it with care-or I'll take your soul!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater or any of its characters, settings, etc., but I'm pretty sure the art would suck if I did.**

**Note: If you are looking for action, this is not a chapter containing any of it. Like in the D-Gray Man anime, this is sort of like a "break" episode from all of the fighting. Plus, I came up with this chapter shortly after taking final tests for the school year. So, if action is all you want, and ecchi ain't your thing, please GTFO.**

Chapter 3: Probability, Hidden Keys, and the Need to Study: Am I that stupid?

"A sound soul dwells within a sound mind and a sound body."

Rattle-rattle-rattle.

...

Rattle-rattle-rattle.

"Land on a freakin' _number_, already, dammit!" I yelled in the lowest voice possible.

"Um, Kenji-kun?" I heard a cute voice whisper. I turned my head to the right a little, eyes meeting with Yukie's.

"Hm?" I inquired.

"Could you please roll your pencil a little more quietly?" she asked nervously, trying not to seem rude.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Sure," I answered, feeling the blush of slight embarrassment. Who could say "no" to an adorable face like that? I rolled my pencil a lot gentler, making as little noise as possible. "How's that?" I mouthed to her.

"Perfect!" she mouthed back. Even the way she mouthed her words was cute. Freakin' _magical_, this girl.

I slowly glanced down at my pencil. The number 3 written on it face straight up, That meant the third answer to the question. With a sigh, I filled in "C." What I really hate is how there are 6 sides to the standard pencil but only 4 answers to the standard multiple choice question. That's why at least one out of every 3 rolls for me is blank, and then I would have to roll again. But for some strange reason, it's as if I get an answer for every, like, 10 rolls. The gods must really hate me.

Ding, dong, dong, ding.

"Class dismissed," said Dr. Stein. "Kurobane, you're staying behind."

I obediently sat down and waited for every one else to leave. "Y-You wanted to see me, sir?" I asked nervously.

"I've watched you complete your tests," he remarked. " I believe rolling a pencil isn't the best way to do so. I expect you to actually do some studying for once."

"But I study-" I interjected.

"-Ms. Kurobane, all class long, with a smile on your face," he interrupted. Ouch. Touch(insert an accented "e" here, since I am too lazy to figure out how to do that). "You may go now."

"Yes, sir."

I solemnly exited the classroom. 'Dammit, how am I supposed to study? I have better things to do, like gaming, and fantasizing, and sleeping, and fantasizing, and eating, but mostly fantasizing.'

Suddenly, I was tackle-hugged at the speed of light at the first step out of the doorway.

"Hey, Kenji-kun! What was that all about?"

"Aren't you going to ask me-cough-how I think I did on the test?" I choked, trying to breathe.

"Nope, I don't care, but _I_ think that you sucked," she said nonchalantly.

Owww. That hurt a lot more than a ferocious, and now kinda painful, bear-hug of doom. I let in a huge gasp of air when she finally let go of me.

"Well, Dr. Stein said that I should study for once," I answered.

"Yeah, you really should," she chirped without hesitation.

"Gawd, Yuki-chan! How stupid do you think I am?!" I yelled.

"Pretty f****** stupid," she giggled.

"Hey, we're in school! Watch your f****** language!" I said jokingly.

Now I'd gone and done it. She burst out laughing, holding her stomach, I laughed a little, too, until she started rolling on the floor. At that point, I started to worry, and when I began to worry, she stopped laughing and rolling around altogether, passed out from exhaustion.

"Sigh, you're so hopeless," I said to her, fondly. I took her up in my arms and carried her to her house.

At the doorstep of Yukie's home, I just stood there, carrying her bridal-style, wondering why the hell I had even brought her here. I didn't even have a key. But I supposed she had one on her, since it was her house and all. But where did she keep it?

I started by looking under the doormat and on the top of the door frame. Not there. Then I examined every rock for any hidden compartment thingies. Not there either. Next was under the bushes, in the flower pots, and on the window sills.

'Where the hell could it be?!' I thought. 'I _think_ I've looked everywhere...except for that special place that girls put valuables someti-'

"Agh! F***, what was I thinking?" I thought aloud. Any longer on that train of thought, and I would've needed to be hooked up to a blood bag.

'I gotta search harder,' I thought to myself.

That's when I started looking in the gutters, climbing on the roof, and digging holes in any suspicious-looking spots in the ground. When I was digging my 39th hole, my eyes traveled back to Yukie's sleeping form. "...Okay, fine. I give up," I sighed, patching up the many fresh holes in Yukie's front yard.

I silently approached Yukie, who was sound asleep on her porch. 'Okay, Kenji. This is for Yukie, and is, in no way at all, messed up,' I told myself. Holding my breath, I gingerly moved my hand down the front of her purple sweater. I could almost feel a stream of blood escaping my nose. 'Almost there, you don't want to wake her up.' My fingertips met with soft skin.'...Wait...she's not wearing a br-' With my free hand, I jabbed my fingers up my nose before my nose could erupt.

'Dammit, Yukie! I don't know if you don't wear one on purpose, or if you're just forgetful...but who cares! _I'm_ not complaining!' I yelled triumphantly inside. 'Ah-ha. Got it.' I said, grabbing a metallic object and carefully taking it back out. 'Damn, rocket surgeons don't got nothin' on me.'

The first thing that I notice when my hand left her sweater was that the key was in the shape of a heart. 'Why a heart? Is this even a key to the front door?'I wondered. The second thing was, 'I had just touched a girl's bare br-no, I did what I had to, it was not screwed up but it would be if I had taken her to my place. I did a good deed today,' I thought proudly to myself.

I calmly walked to the violet house and tried the key. IT DIDN'T WORK.

'GAWD DAMMIT, I reached down in a girl's cleavage for NOTHING? S***!" I yelled deep within my soul, repeatedly slamming my head against the door. Behind me, I heard a small tinkling sound. Swiveling around to find the cause of it, I looked at the porch board at my back only to find-get this-a MOFO HOUSE KEY.

I nearly flew into rage until I remembered that Yukie was asleep still. I put the second key in the door lock and turned it. CLICK. Hurriedly I retrieved Yukie and entered the house. I gently placed her on the most comfortable-looking violet couch and sat in the violet chair directly across from her.

Dozing on the couch. asleep and peaceful, she looked so cute. But I began to wonder what the first key I found was for, taking it out of my pocket and examining it. 'It could be the key to a secret shrine or something, like one where you would keep pictures of somebody and surround them with lit candles...No, I don't really think she's the stalker type,' I pondered.

But suddenly, it hit me.

Flashback 2 Years Ago

"Thanks for inviting me over, Kaze-san!" I said to Yukie, sitting in her living room next to her.

"You're welcome any time, Kuro-san!" she said cheerfully. "But sadly, I seem to have lost my second game controller. I could help you look for it if you like," she said apologetically.

"Oh, that's okay, I can find it myself," I replied.

"All right, then. I'll go get us some snacks." She got up and walked to the kitchen.

I searched the entire TV shelf/case/whatever, above and below, up and down, and couldn't seem to find it. Then I decided to look behind the cable box.

My fingers found something, and I grabbed hold of it, pulling it out from behind the cable box. What I had found wasn't a controller, but a wooden container with a heart-shaped lock on it.

"Huh? What's in this?" I thought out loud.

Yukie ran from the kitchen and snatched the container out of my hands. "That's for me to know, and for you to never _ever_ find out, so just drop the subject!" she said in a frenzied tone. She didn't seem angry, but she did look kind of embarrassed.

Flashback End

'Time to look for that same box and see if it'll fit with the key.'

I rummaged behind the cable box and found the same locked wooden container.

"Now, to find out what's in here!" I whispered, inserting the key and twisting it. My jaw fell through the earth and stuck out six feet in the air on the other side the moment I saw what was in the box. "What the flying f*** is this?!" I yelled, looking at this video game case in the container. It was like...some sort of _dating simulator_, but the dude who looked a lot like _me_ on the cover.

"Uwahh, Kenji-kun? What's the matter?" I heard a cute and sleepy voice say behind me. I froze in place like a ninja would in front of a T-Rex. I shouldn't have yelled, I know, but I bet you would, too, if you found a dating sim with your face on it.

"N...nothing at all!" I said quickly..

"Oh, good!" she replied happily. " I was just checking to know if everything was O...k...omaigawd, it's missing!" she said frantically, patting her chest as if to check for something.

"What is?" I asked.

"N-nothing!" She quickly started pulling up her sweater.

"Y-Yuki-chan! What are you doing? Not in front of me! You have nothing on under there-oops," I exclaimed. 'Dammit, I really shouldn't have said that. And now I'm screwed.' I began praying for a swift death.

"H-how did you know that?" she asked. She looked like she was about to cry.

"I-It's not what you think! I was looking for a house key so you wouldn't have to sleep at my place!" I said to cover up.

"So...you saw it, didn't you?"

"U-Uh..."

"You saw the game I keep in a locked box am I right?"

'She's not mad about me touching her bare chest?' "U-Uh, no!" I stuttered, hiding the said items behind my back.

Tears started coming down the sides of her face. "B-BAKA!"

SMACK.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke up in the same room. My face hurt like all hell, but I was glad that slap wasn't a death blow. Across the room sat Yukie. "O-Oh, you're awake. I'm...sorry for slapping you," she apologized.

"And I'm sorry for poking around your belongings," I said.

"That's okay...but, um, Kenji-kun?" she said with a blush.

"Yes?" I asked, feeling more red than her.

"I've decided that I'll help you study with my special techniques!"

I blacked out.

**Well, that was it for chapter 3. I hope you guys who were willing to read it liked it! Please Like and Review! Constructive criticism welcome! Bakurekuso OUT.**


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